My martyrism came out even when I wasn’t paying for things. For me, it was a feeling of superiority about being able to survive without nice things.
For some people with Anorexia the opposite is true, and they only steal items that they would not allow themselves to buy. It was stranger than that, more to do with a “I’m better than needing expensive things” attitude. It wasn’t because I didn’t feel worthy of eating the more expensive brands of apple either. I wasn’t taking the cheaper item because I was trying to minimize my affect on the store. It certainly wasn’t out of regard for Tescos’ profits. I would only have bought economy-brand biscuits so I only took economy-brand biscuits. I would only have bought discounted fruit, therefore I only nicked discounted fruit. (Note: while I personally was “underweight” as per your standard BMI chart, a person doesn’t have to be a low weight to be underweight, hence a person in an average or large body may be just as sick as I was.) Basically I only stole things that I would have bought anyway. For example, if I were going to steal an apple, I would take either the cheapest one available or, even better, one that had been marked down for quick sale. But here is the really odd part - I would only steal the cheapest of things. Sometimes I would steal from grocery stores. I would steal condiments from the canteen. I would steal toilet roll from the University toilets. If people had noticed I was doing it I doubt they would have bothered saying anything.
Frankly I am sure I wasn’t very good at it but the sorts of things I was taking wasn’t worth anyone’s time. I only ever stole inexpensive food items. I was utterly opposed to the notion that I had an eating disorder due to the stigma attached, and would walk out on anyone who attempted to tell me the truth. I was hideously underweight and what felt like “no-way-out” sick at that time. When not in a state of chronic malnutrition I am none of these things. Studies have linked stealing behaviour and illness severity, and I tend to agree. When I was sick - chronically malnourished - I was tightly wound, irritable, aggressive, prone to not telling the truth about what I had eaten/exercise, and a low-level thief. “Anorexia turns us into the contradiction of our authentic selves.” Important note #2: This post is in no way excusing stealing if you have Anorexia. Important note #1: Not all people with Anorexia have the urge to steal. Hence, stealing behaviour and Bulimia also correlate. I write about Anorexia because I am using my own experience to illustrate this post, but I believe that Anorexia and Bulimia are different states/expressions of the same illness - that is restriction. It’s important as shame is a present enough feeling for a person in recovery from Anorexia as it is - thinking that you are a monster because you nicked a small bag of instant risotto from Tescos doesn’t have to pile on top. A recurrent urge to steal, typically without regard for need or profit.
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